Friday, October 17, 2008

Stay at home mom struggle

So, I have been dealing with this inner struggle these past few weeks. A little background information is probably in order. Before Joshua was born, I was pretty much the primary breadwinner in our household as Josh was in school. I was working in corporate America and was pretty good at my job. We weren't raking in the dough or anything like that, but were doing ok financially. We had always planned on having kiddos of course, but not until Josh was finished with school and the next step in our lives was more certain. Well, God had other plans and surprise, I was pregnant. It took us both a little time to get over the shock, but of course we were completely excited. The next year was pretty much a blur, I continued to work through my pregnancy and Josh kicked it into overdrive to try and finish up his PhD research before my maternity leave ran out. I went back to work for like a month after Joshua was born and then we packed up to move back to Arkansas to be closer to family and for Josh to try to make a go of it at running the farm. In making this decision, I was to stay home with Joshua and as a result we took about a 50% pay cut. Our cost of living is considerably less in Arkansas, but the cut in pay is pretty significant.

Back to my inner struggle. I love being able to stay home with Joshua, knowing that he is safe and getting to see all his firsts for myself. However, at times, I can't help but feel bad/guilty that I don't contribute more to our family financially. I try to do my best to contribute by not spending money like a wild woman, sticking to a budget, and things like that - but I can't help thinking sometimes that I could be contributing so much more and relieving stress from Josh if I had a full-time job as well. But the thought of leaving Joshua and soon to arrive little Julie with someone other than me for the better part of the day is just unbearable to me. I know what is best for my kids far outweighs the financial contributions I could be making, but I still struggle with it. I wish I was one of those creative chicks who could make a little money on the side by selling crafty things or selling cosmetics, but I'm just not - I have a degree in accounting (you can't get more boring than that). Anyhow, I'm just wondering if any other stay at home mom's out there struggle with this as well or if I am the only one??

4 comments:

Lindsey said...

At least you can stick to a budget. I try, but fail. Staying at home is HARD! I had always made good money, but once I quit working it seems like i should be doing something, anything - ya know? It's a really hard adjustment.

abbiegrace said...

Jennifer! I know you. I found your blog through Jenny Beth.

Your mom and my mom (Virginia) were roommates at the U of A. You and I played together when we were little a handful of times. Give me your email when you have a chance--I'd love to catch up.

Your little boy is precious--and it looks like your little girl will be here soon!

Take care,
Abbie

abbiegrace@gmail.com

Lynn said...

I think a lot of us SAHMs feel what you are feeling, Jen baby. Especially in this economy! I miss feeling useful to people over the age of 18, getting praise for a job well done and my sushi lunches with the girls. Now it's wiping bottoms, drying eyes and strained carrot lunches. But, it's great to see my little man everyday, and not just for 3 hours either. He lights up when he sees me and looks for me if someone else is holding him and I am not RIGHT there. That's worth a whole lot more than a paycheck.

The Walkie Talkie said...

Jennifer,

Great to hear from you on the blog and I TOTALLY know who you are! Your family is beautiful and I only wish y'all still lived in the Denver area. We are about to have company for the next couple of weeks and then we are headed home for most of November. I will be sure to e-mail you and get some insider info. from you.

And about your post...I can TOTALLY relate. I just was feeling convicted about this myself. Realizing that my time at home is valuable, just not in the monetary sense. Just today I was doing some research and found TONS of blogs/websites that give advice about living wisely (i.e. frugally). I will e-mail them to you. I figure that's one way I can contribute!

I know you know this...but we store our treasure up in heaven and our time with our children is a great way to do that.

Talk to you soon! Jenny Beth